Things Aren't As They Seem
by Sugar Kane
Summary: Anita's world is falling apart, and she finds an unlikely shoulder to cry on.


_Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, and no profit is made from these stories. (But I do have fun writing them! : )_

**Notes: **Written as a "drabble meme challenge" request. For Animaltalker.

During the past week or so, everyone at the 27th Precinct had become wary of their squad commander. Lieutenant Van Buren seemed to be in a terrible mood. It worried everyone because the lieutenant was normally very good at masking her emotions. Even during times of crisis - like her lawsuit against the NYPD for racial bias - she carried on the attitude of a true professional. But this was different. Everyone knew that Van Buren's demeanor wasn't that of Miss Happy Sunshine to begin with, but she had become so _dark._ It was as though a cloud hung over her head.  
  
Of all the cops in the precinct, Detectives Lennie Briscoe and Ed Green were most attuned to their boss's moods, simply because they worked most closely with her. They had picked up on the fact that Van Buren had become very derisive towards men. She usually laughed when Lennie made one of his wisecracks about his ex-wives - but the last time he'd done it, she simply glared at him.   
  
And there was the comment she made to Ed earlier that week, as they watched Lennie interrogate an accused rapist. She said that the guy should first be castrated, then burned at the stake - all for his victim to see.  
  
Over coffee one morning, Green brought the subject up.  
  
"What's eating the Lieu lately? I mean, with all this male bashing stuff, like 'all men are dogs'?" he asked his partner.  
  
"I don't know, Ed," Lennie said as he glanced towards Van Buren's office. "But something's definitely up, and I'm going to find out what it is."  
  
He knew it was none of his business. But, truth be known, Lennie deeply cared about the lieutenant. When she first arrived at the precinct over ten years ago, he didn't much like the idea of having a female boss. But in time he grew to greatly respect and admire her. He also found himself in the dangerous situation of having feelings for her. She was married, which was something that never stopped Lennie before - but this was different. Betty Abrams had been his partner; Van Buren was his _boss._ And, unlike Betty, to the best of his knowledge Van Buren's marriage was happy. The last thing Lennie wanted was a reputation as a homewrecker.  
  
_Perhaps things aren't as they seem,_ he thought as he entered the lieutenant's office.

* * *

As he closed the door behind him, Lennie quickly realized that the woman sitting at the desk was not Anita Van Buren. At least, not the Van Buren that _he_ knew.  
  
She was just sitting there, staring at the wall. Which was highly out of character for her - she was an energetic woman, and the job of a police lieutenant was an extremely busy one.  
  
"Lieu? Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked.  
  
She snapped out of it. "Sure," she said warily. "What's up?"  
  
"You. We couldn't help but notice the way you've been acting lately. And we're concerned."  
  
"I'm fine," she said dismissively. Lennie wondered whether it was wise to push further.   
  
"No, you're not," he said. "And everyone can see that."  
  
"No offense, Lennie - but you're the last person I want to discuss this with." He found himself slightly hurt by her comment, and it surprised him.  
  
"Lieu," he said, "I sense this has something to do with Don. Ed and I have picked up on the fact that you've been making very derogatory comments about men around the precinct. Never mind everything else - sooner or later someone else will pick up on it, and they'll complain to Internal Affairs. You've had enough trouble with the suits the way it is. No matter what's going on in your personal life, it's not worth that kind of trouble."  
  
"And," he added, "I'm the first to admit that my track record with women is bad. I've made some pretty big mistakes. But you can talk to me, Lieu. I _care_ about you." The look in his eyes was that of someone who was hurting as badly for her as she was.  
  
Van Buren looked up. There were tears in her eyes. She was so ashamed. She hadn't been woman enough to keep Don faithful, and now she was losing it in front of one of her detectives. She had spent her entire life and career in a world where she had to fend for herself, and the idea that _any_ man cared for her had become foreign to her, especially now. But Lennie? To him she should be no more than a link in the chain of command, someone who told him what to do. But now here he was, gently taking her hand and encouraging her to talk.

She began to understand why women kept falling for him, even though he was extremely rough around the edges. _Thank God he isn't like this during interrogations,_ she thought. _He'd never get the goods on anyone.  
_  
Finally she spoke.  
  
"Don has another woman," she began. "Some twentysomething who works at a gym. He's been two-timing me with her for three years, and I never knew. Until last week, that is, when Don told me that he's leaving me. For her. She's pregnant with his baby."  
  
With that admission, she completely broke down.  
  
"I didn't mean to take it out on everyone here, and I am so sorry. But, Jesus, I'm so _angry!_" With one swift motion of her arm, everything on her desk went crashing to the floor. The noise caught the attention of those outside.  
  
"Twenty years I lived with that man. I was faithful to him, I had his children, and he throws it all away for this _whore!_ How many other times has he lied to me? How many other women has he fucked behind my back? What about my boys, Lennie? What is this going to do to _them?_ And how in the hell am I going to live alone? I'm not sure I remember how..."

Lennie went to her. He held her in his arms, rocking her gently as she cried out her anger and hurt. "The bastard never deserved you to begin with," he said bitterly.  
  
He'd been through it too, on both ends. He had been unfaithful, but he also remembered what it had been like to discover one of his wives in the shower with another man. The pain of his failed marriages was so great that it had driven him into a bottle. Van Buren was a strong woman, but who knew what it would do to her?   
  
He also felt a faint glimmer of hope with the realization that the lieutenant was now free. It was accompanied by shame, for thinking of himself at a time like this. But he couldn't help it; his feelings for the woman were that strong.  
  
But one thing was for certain, no matter what the future held for Van Buren and for himself: Lennie would never do to another woman what Don had done to the lieutenant. Like a grisly crime scene, the image of her pain and tears would remain with him forever.  
  
_finis_


End file.
